De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less – Leadership

Author Name: Douglas E. Noll

Book Title: De-Escalate: How to Calm an ANgry Person in 90 SEconds or Less

Book Synopsis: Everyone has faced friends, family, or co-workers that become emotional. Sometimes, its anger; sometimes grief. Being in the presence of an emotional person may be uncomfortable, scary, or anxiety-producing. Strong emotions occur in all facets of our lives, yet our basic approach is to deny them.

Think about how we treat kids emotionally. Children by nature are emotional little creatures. How are they trained to deal with their feelings? Most of the time, they are told, indirectly, that emotions are bad. Kids are routinely emotionally invalidated. How often have you heard (or said) some of the following phrases?

Grow up

Get a life

Don’t cry.

Stop whining

You are a cry baby.

Be a man.

These phrases are deadly because they teach children how not to be emotionally aware and intelligent. We use these phrases not knowing the damage we are causing because (1) we are soothing our anxiety and (2) we don’t know any better. Every murderer I have ever worked with was deeply traumatized as a child. The trauma was sometimes physical and always emotional. Every school shooter, every cutter, every addicted kid has been emotionally traumatized. In my work in schools, I have seen that kids from normalĀ homes are just as traumatized emotionally as kids living in poverty. Emotional invalidation is beyond epidemic and it is costing us in huge ways.

It does not have to be this way. We can learn how to calm adults and children in a way that is validating and healing while protecting ourselves. We can learn how to deal with upset without insult, put-downs, and invalidation. We can learn how to turn anger and frustration into opportunities to problem-solve and grow. But we can’t learn it on our own; we have to have the knowledge and skills taught to us. That is the purpose of DE-ESCALATE. I want every person on the planet to read this book, learn the true skills of listening, and begin living a life of connection, grace, and peace. This information has transformed maximum security prisons. It surely can transform relationships, friendships, families, and communities.

Author Bio: Douglas E. Noll is an award-winning author, speaker, and trainer. After 22 years as a trial lawyer, Mr. Noll became a peacemaker and mediator. Today, he helps people solve deep and intractable conflicts and teaches others to do what he does. Mr. Noll is an adjunct professor of law at the Pepperdine School of Law Straus Institute where he teaches Decision Making Under Conflict and the Psychology of Conflict Communication.

Mr. Noll is the co-founder of the award-winning Prison of Peace Project, in which he teaches murderers in maximum security prisons to be peacemakers and mediators.

Mr. Noll has trained mediators and leaders in Europe, the Middle East, and Asia in his innovative peacemaking and mediation processes. He has personally mediated over 1,500 disputes, including sexual abuse cases in the Catholic Church and criminal victim-offender cases.

Mr. Noll’s honors include California Lawyer Magazine Attorney of the Year, a Purpose Prize Fellow, and Best Lawyers of America Lawyer of the Year.

Mr. Noll has written four books, his latest released on September 12, 2017, entitled De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less (Atria/Beyond Words). He is the creator of online video courses in legal negotiation and emotional de-escalation and has conducted dozens of webinars. His video offerings on YouTube have garnered over 87,000 views.

On a personal note, Mr. Noll is a jazz violinist, aircraft and helicopter pilot, ski instructor, 2nd degree black belt, tai chi master, and whitewater rafter. He lives with his wife Aleya Dao in the foothills of the central Sierra Nevada south of Yosemite National Park.

Publisher Name: Atria/Beyond Words